The Battle of the Superheroes (a parody of the Sora arc)
by NinjalyJen
Summary: This story is a parody of the Sora arc in Naruto Part II (Shippuden). While I was watching it, I thought that Sora totally acted like Wolverine. This story is NOT a cross-over; I simply use terms from Marvel and DC and put them into the Naruto world. All of the ninjas are superheroes (but they still use ninjutsu and such). Humor/parody. Warning: Out-of-character characters.
1. Introducing Sora

Sora had lived nearly his whole life in a strange monastery, surrounded by bald men and boys. Most people would think, 'Oh, that was great for young Sora! Not only did he get to learn about the monks' beliefs, but he got to live in a peaceful environment as well!' But this was not the case.

You see, Sora was a boy who had many valuable physical assets. The first of these was his silky black hair. All of the monks were envious of Sora's awesome hairstyle, for they were all bald. Because of this, they treated Sora with disrespect and incredible angst. They didn't invite him to their slumber parties, or their ice cream parties. But this wasn't the only problem; Sora was hated for something else as well.

Sora had the powers of a superhero.

Sora could control the wind, use rodent-like claws, and make girls fall in love with him in an instant. The monks hated this. You see, these monks in particular were striving to become superheroes themselves. To have a non-monk achieve their goal before them was absolutely plot-twisting. For this, they shunned Sora, allowed no one to become his friend, and kept girls away from him so that he would never fall in love. Sora grew up in anguish and turmoil, but continued to perfect his superhero powers in secret. He knew that one day, he would escape the horrible monastery and become the most powerful superhero ever.

But what he didn't know was that someone was about to challenge his swickediawetastic powers; and they were going to do it soon.

But being as Sora didn't know this, it really didn't affect his life at all. He just lived in his sad depression at the monastery, controlling the wind and missing his father.

Sora's father had died when Sora was very young, and because of this, he didn't really remember his father. But the boy did remember two things about his father. He remembered that his father had been the greatest superhero of all time, and that his face had shone like the sun in the sky. This was probably why Sora didn't remember what his father's face looked like, but he generally disregarded that idea.

One night, while Sora was being angst-y and depressed as usual, he overheard the head monks talking about something very disturbing.

"...the four greatest superheroes of all time!"

Sora paused. They were talking about superheroes? This he had to hear. He walked a little closer to the head monks' slightly open door, and listened carefully.

A gasp sounded inside the room. "How did we not realize that they got stolen?"

"I don't know. I guess we weren't expecting someone to come in the dead of night and rob our honourary graves."

"It is quite a plot twist, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is, sir. But what are we going to do about this? If the grave robbers find all of the Wal-Mart gift cards we hid in those bodies, the monastery will fall into shambles! We won't be respected in the Fire Country anymore. We won't even be able to keep ourselves alive anymore."

"Calm down, it'll be all right. We just need to call a few of the Leaf Village's resident superheroes. I sent a bat message already."

There was a momentary pause.

"A bat message, sir?"

"What's so strange about a bat message?"

"Oh, uh, nothing, I just thought that it was kind of copyright... you know, to use the word 'bat' in front of words like that."

"...I sent a carrier bat, you dummy."

Sora got bored of listening to the monks act like idiots, so he quietly slipped away to his room. What he had just heard was a major problem. In addition to the bodies of the top four superheroes of all time being stolen, were the head monks really thinking of bringing a bunch of Leaf Village superheroes to solve the problem? It was horrible, and really proved that the head monks were quite lacking the 'head' in their titles.

Sora sighed and sat down on his bed, trying to think of what he could do to stay out of the way of the Leaf Village superheroes when they arrived. He really hated other superheroes. It wasn't like he had ever met any before, but being an angst-ridden character, he prematurely decided to hate all people that came across his path.

"Oh, what the heck," Sora sighed and laid down on his bed. "They're just going to be a bunch of bald freaks that make fun of my hair anyways." But Sora didn't know that the superheroes who were about to enter his life would change him drastically.

* * *

_Author's Note: Yeah, so this is a parody of the Sora arc. What are your thoughts so far, readers? Is this as funny as I thought it was, or was it just facepalmishly bad?_

_There are quite a few references in this chapter, but the biggest one that you'll have to remember is the word "swickediawetastic". Do any superhero fans know where that word originated?_


	2. Were They Really So Fantastic?

Insane news had just reached the Fire Country's not-so-secret secret village of superheroes: the Leaf Village. Since the leaders of the village sucked at rumour control, everyone was talking about the stolen bodies of the infamously awesome dead superheroes, the Fantastic Four.

"Wow, I can't believe they actually stole the bodies of the Fantastic Four!"

"Yeah, I thought for sure that Johnny's grave would have had some awesome fire technique to protect it."

"And what about Invisible Girl's casket? Don't you think it would have been logical for it to be, well... invisible?"

While most of the Leaf Village was chattering about the Fantastic Fours' graves being robbed, there was a certain team of superheroes who were actually doing something worthwhile in the village.

"Weeeee're off to catch the robbers, the robbers who robbed all the graves!"

Well, at least it was a _little_ bit worthwhile.

"Stop singing that stupid song, Naruto." Sakura rolled her eyes and let out a huff. "Don't you realize that this is actually a very high security threat for the entire series? If there are rogue villains powerful enough to steal the bodies of the Fantastic Four, imagine what Akatsuki at full power will be like!"

"The Fantastic Four _died_." Naruto said. "They couldn't have been very fantastic, since they _died_."

"Naruto does have a point." Sai said, looking up from his book, _The Magic of Friendship_. "Since they died, they must have lost their fantastic qualities somewhere along the way."

Sakura frowned deeply and clenched her fists. "That is an absolutely stupid idea. It just means that someone swickediawetastic-er than them killed them."

Naruto and Sai stared at her. "Um," Naruto said. "You just proved our point."

"Whatever," Sakura rolled her eyes. "Details don't matter. We just have to go find those guys and put the dead bodies back in their graves. It'll be an easy job for Team Kakashi."

"Did somebody say 'Team Kakashi'?"

The three teenagers turned around.

"You're not Kakashi." Naruto said, frowning at the random guy who stood in front of him.

Captain Yamato just stared at Naruto, his big eyes being as big and creepy as ever. "I know."

"Why do we still call ourselves Team Kakashi if Kakashi himself isn't even here?" Sakura pondered.

"I don't even know why I'm here." Sai shrugged and continued to read his book.

"We have a mission." Yamato said, deciding to get to the point. "The dead bodies of the Fantastic Four have been stolen by some unknown super-villains, and we have been commissioned to return them to their graves."

Naruto's face turned white. "W-w-w-we have to f-find d-dead b-b-b-bodies?"

Yamato nodded, his freakishly unblinking eyes not helping Naruto's discomfort. "Yes, we do. And we must leave right now to do so. Apparently, the bodies were last seen at-"

Naruto screamed. "Last seen?! Are you crazy?! You mean these bodies are just walking around?!" He screamed again, and began to run around in circles.

Yamato realized his mistake and chuckled. "Oops; I meant to say that they were buried near some random monastery full of bald men."

"Ew," Sakura frowned. "Bald men are total turn-offs."

"So are bald women." Yamato said. "Anyways, we've got to start on our journey to the monastery. I forget what it's called, so we'll just call it the Swickediawetastic Monastery of Bald Men, or SMBM for short."

Sai and Sakura nodded. Naruto was still running around in the background like a chicken that had just gotten its head cut off.

"Good," Yamato said. "Let's go!"

And so the four superheroes began their journey to SMBM.

* * *

_Author's Note: Yay for the word 'swickediawetastic'! In case you didn't guess right, it's from Marvel's TV show Ultimate Spider-Man. Invisible Girl's casket would totally be invisible, right?__  
Tell me if you liked this!_


	3. The SMBM

The journey to SMBM was pretty uneventful and boring, but this was only because Sai was there.

When the four arrived at SMBM, they were greeted by the leader of the bald monks.

"Welcome to the Swickediawetastic Monastery of Bald Monks." The man said.

Naruto's jaw dropped. Yamato had actually guessed the monastery's true name?

"It's our pleasure." Yamato said. "We heard that your graves have recently been robbed, and are here to help."

"Good," The head monk nodded. "If you could send a search party to investigate the robbed sites, I would like to talk with you about the matter."

"Alright," Yamato turned to Naruto. "Naruto, I'm counting on you. Go look at the graves and see if you can find any clues. When you're finished, meet us back here."

Naruto's blue eyes widened. Was this some kind of a joke? Was Yamato really going to make him go to the gravesites all by himself?

"C-captain Yamato," Naruto stuttered. "Uh, sh-shouldn't you send a t-team? You know, so that we can make sure the g-graves are totally checked."

Yamato stared at Naruto. His creepy black eyes seemed to bore right into Naruto's soul. "Are you afraid?"

"Gah! No, no, I'm not afraid! I'm never afraid. I'm the best superhero there is! Superheroes are never afraid." Naruto laughed nervously. "I'm going to go look at those graves now. Bye!" And so he ran off.

"Stupid Captain Yamato," Naruto muttered to himself as he ran through a forested area. "He totally put me on the spot."

Naruto continued to run and run and run, and soon enough, he found himself in a giant, unnaturally green field.

"Huh," Naruto said. "The monastery must use some awesome brand of lawn fertilizer." He looked around the field. To a normal person, it would look like this field was a completely normal field (except for its unnatural greenness). It was big, it was grassy, and it looked like a great place to re-enact the Civil War.

But Naruto was definitely not a normal person; he was a superhero. When he scanned the field, he immediately noticed something strange about it. A large grey slab of rock was lying in the middle of the field. It looked as if something had blown it up, because there was shrapnel and debris lying all around the rock.

"Oh, dang it," Naruto murmured fearfully. "That's got to be the grave." Immediately, an irrational fear swept over the young superhero. "No," Naruto told himself. "I have to do this. I have to! If I don't, I'll never become the director of S.H.I.E.L.D." At these words, the boy raised his head, a determined look on his face. "Let's do this thing!" He ran towards the gravestone, ready for whatever was ahead of him.

"AHHH!" Naruto tripped and fell. "Ouch," He mumbled. He stood up and brushed the dirt off of his neon orange outfit. "I guess I wasn't ready for that sack of potatoes." He said, looking down at the sack of potatoes that he had caught his foot on. "Man, what the heck is a sack of potatoes doing here? That's weirder than the time Lokichimaru threw up himself!" No one else would agree with Naruto's analogy, but that's okay, because he didn't know that.

Naruto walked down into the grave. "Well, this is creepy." He muttered to himself. He looked around the grave a bit with his handy-dandy flashlight, and found that the casket containing the body of one of the Fantastic Four was gone. "Either that or it's Invisible Girl's casket." Naruto said to himself, getting a little freaked out about the ghostly aspect of things. "I heard that her coffin was invisible!"

Suddenly, Naruto heard an unearthly scream. It was soon joined by another unearthly scream. This second scream made Naruto even more scared, so he began to scream. Unfortunately, he couldn't do so, because he was already screaming. The second scream had been him all along.

_Well, that was confusing. _Naruto thought to himself as he screamed.

A shiny object whizzed past Naruto's face, causing the boy superhero to leap back and pull a kunai out of his utility belt. "Who are you?" He demanded, shining his flashlight to the direction from which the scream came.

The screaming had stopped. "My name is Sora." A boy about Naruto's age stood a few feet away from the yellow-haired superhero. "I'm a monk, or something, and I hate my life." He glared at Naruto. "I don't know you, but I blame you for stealing the bodies of the Fantastic Four. I also blame you in advance for denying it!"

Naruto's jaw dropped. "Oh my gosh!" He exclaimed. "It's Wolverine!"


	4. The First Fight

Sora stared at the weird blonde boy who stood in front of him. "Wolverine?" He asked. "Why did you call me Wolverine?" He held up the fancy brass-knuckles-turned-sharp-claws weapon that he held in his hand. "Is it because of this?"

The other boy shook his head. "Actually, it was because you're a really angst-y character, but now that you point that weapon out, I guess it seems pretty Wolverine-ish."

Sora glared at the boy. "Who are you?"

"My name is Naruto Uzumaki in English, and Uzumaki Naruto in Japanese." The boy, Naruto, said. "But you can just call me Naruto, because this parody's author will be way too confused with the first-name-last, last-name-first thing if you don't." Naruto smiled at Sora. "I had an angst-y life as a child, but now I'm a happy superhero whose dream is to become the most powerful S.H.I.E.L.D. director the world has ever seen!" Naruto pumped his fist in the air, just to show that he was passionate about his words.

Sora stared at Naruto for a moment. "You're not bald." He finally said.

Naruto looked insulted. "Bald? Do I look bald?!"

"I thought that everyone other than me was bald." Sora said, and truthfully so. Being raised by a bunch of bald monks in a walled-off monastery really narrowed a boy's horizons.

Naruto didn't comment on that. Instead, he asked, "Why did you scream?"

Now it was Sora's turn to look offended. "Are you crazy?" He growled. "That was a battle cry! Now stop talking, because since you stole the coffin, I am now going to attack you!" He let out a battle cry/unearthly scream, and began to charge at Naruto, wielding his Wolverine-style claw weapon as he did so.

Naruto didn't look surprised when Sora attacked him. In fact, he even had a counterattack so swickediawetastic that Sora was a little bit taken aback. But Sora's astonishment didn't last long. He lunged himself at Naruto, using an epic wind technique that shoved the spiky-haired grave robber right to the ground.

But that wasn't the end of the fight. Naruto did a backflip to get back on his feet, and used a technique the instant he was standing upright. Immediately, Naruto was... cloned? _Yep, _Sora mused as he held his Wolverine weapon in front of him. _That was definitely cloning. _But just when Sora thought the weirdness had ended, Naruto and his clones created a strange-looking blue ball!

Sora's eyes widened. He had never seen a superhero power quite like this before!

"Rasengan!" Naruto yelled, beginning to charge towards Sora.

"That's a stupid battle cry! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sora went into his own battle cry, and charged Naruto.

The two boys ran towards each other. Time seemed to slow down, and then... they accidently passed each other and ran out of the crypt and onto the giant field.

"Dang it," Sora muttered to himself. He turned around and began to run towards Naruto again. "I'm going to get you this time, you-"

"STOOOOOOOOOOP!

Both Sora and Naruto froze in their tracks. Sora turned and saw four people running towards him on the field; a monk, a girl with cotton candy-coloured hair, a boy with black hair and white skin, and a man wearing a broken cookie sheet on his face.

Sora just stared at the three people he didn't know at with an expression of awe and hatred. Awe because they had hair, and hatred because he hated the world.

"Killing each other is not the way of our monastery." The random bald monk said. "I thought you would know that by now, Sora." He looked at Sora with his eyes. Sora hated it when people looked at him with their eyes.

"Shut up!" Sora said. "I was only doing you a favour, you know." He pointed accusingly at Naruto. "This guy was robbing the graves! I caught him in the Thing's grave, and the coffin was missing."

"Sora, these Leaf Village superheroes came to help us." The monk said. "Now come back to the monastery and we'll all talk this over."

"That sounds like a good plan." The random man with the broken cookie sheet on his face said.

Even though the four random people thought that this was a good idea, Sora totally disagreed with them. He was angry at them for not believing him even more than he was angry at Naruto for stealing the Thing's coffin. All of this did nothing but to heighten the angst level in Sora's midichlorian count.

"Are you coming, Sora?" The random monk asked.

"Shut up, I'm coming!" And so Sora came, sadly and marked with depression.


	5. Chiriku's Lost Bodies

"As you all probably know, the bodies of the Fantastic Four were stolen a few days ago." Chiriku, the head monk of the SMBM, looked over the five people who were sitting on pillows in front of him.

"Why were their bodies so important?" Naruto, one of the superheroes from the Leaf Village, questioned.

Chiriku sighed. He couldn't just tell these superheroes that the monastery's riches were hidden in the stolen bodies. Who knew what the Fifth Director would say if she found out that he had been hiding Wal-Mart gift cards inside of dead bodies? She would probably humiliate him by titling him _Grossest Man of the Year_.

What else was there about the Fantastic Four that would make a good excuse for these superheroes to rescue the bodies? Chiriku had an idea.

"They were part of the Twelve Superhero Avengers." Chiriku said. "I was a part of this group, and so was a man from your village, Asuma Sarutobi." He smiled wistfully, remembering those days as if they had only been last week. "You see, there are powers that only the twelve of us had, and if super-villains can discover what those secrets are, it could pose as a threat to not only the Fire Country, but to the whole world."

A man with a piece of junkyard scrap (or so it looked like) on his face, Captain Yamato, nodded. "This is why we have to get the bodies back."

Chiriku sighed inwardly. Good; they had bought it.

"When are we going to go after them?" Sakura, the girl with pink hair, asked.

"Why do they have to solve our problems?!" Sora yelled suddenly.

Chiriku turned and looked towards the black-haired boy. Sora was breathing heavily, and an angry look was glinting in his eyes.

"We're the Swickediawetastic Monastery of Monks!" Sora growled. "They should get back to their fancy, hair-filled city and stay out of our problems!"

"Sora," Chiriku said, a bit sternly. "They are here to help us. You don't know what that means, because no one ever helps you, but trust me, it is a good thing."

"I don't mean to be rude, but that was quite mean." Sai said, smiling. "At least, that is what my book says."

Sora was now looking ready to whip out his Wolverine powers and destroy everybody in proximity of a thousand miles. "Shut up!" He shouted. He really liked shouting things. "I don't want, need, or accept your help." With that, he ran away.

There was an awkward silence in the room.

"Um..." Chiriku said. "He's not really a part of our monastery, we just took him in because his father died."

"According to my book," Sai said. "This means that you are not taking responsibility for the actions of that boy, meaning that you-"

"Sai, shut up." Sakura said.

"Shutting up,"

Chiriku sighed. Was it really such a good idea to send these superheroes out to recover the lost bodies?

"Chiriku!"

Chiriku turned his head. Standing in the doorway of the room, panting, was the second-in-command monk.

"What is it?" Chiriku asked.

"Ch-chiriku! Something terrible has happened. We spotted four people on the field. Four people skateboarding on the four caskets!"

Before Chiriku could say anything, Yamato and his team stood up.

"We'll take it from here." Yamato said in a very superhero-ish way.

"Okay," Chiriku nodded, trying to look authoritative and cool. "We'll guard the monastery."

"Just because it would make an awesome plot twist, we'll pick up Sora on the way." Sai smiled.

And so the four superheroes went off, leaving Chiriku and the other monks to guard the monastery.


	6. Meeting the Bad Guys

In all of his sixteen years of existence, not once had Naruto seen people skateboarding on coffins before.

"Whoa!" Naruto gasped, staring down at the four super-villains. "Did that lady just do a 360?!"

"Naruto, don't focus on that!" Sakura said. "We have to get them."

"Naruto, even though you and Sai hate each other, I want you to be on a team together in order to capture these random bad guys." Yamato said. "Sakura and I will work together, and Sora can do whatever he wants."

Naruto nearly died on the spot, but after some creepy-eyed stares from Yamato, he grudgingly agreed. He and Sai went to go chase after a weird bunch of people, and so did... well... everyone else.

Everything was going good until they actually ran into the four weirdos.

"Hahahahahaha!" One of the bad guys laughed, slapping his knee at some joke that no one else got.

"Shut up, Riddler!" The other male bad guy barked. "Or if you're going to say something, at least say something worthwhile."

"Okay! Riddle me this; what has big eyes, was a lab rat, and thinks he's a baker?" Asked the Riddler.

"I don't know- OW!" Naruto frowned. "Sakura, why did you hit me?"

The girl rolled her eyes. "Don't talk with the enemy. That's one of the basic rules of being a superhero!"

"Well, sorry," Naruto muttered.

The Riddler grinned and randomly flexed his muscular muscles. "It's my opponent!" He trailed off into another fit of strange laughter, and started to run after Yamato.

Being as Yamato was a smart and swickediawetastic guy, he defended himself against the buff Riddler.

"What about your opponent, Leader?" One of the two evil women said, putting her hands on her hips in a cat-like way. Her earrings swayed in the wind, and her annoying voice grated on Naruto's nerves. "Who will it be?"

The other guy – the leader – shrugged. "I have no idea." An evil look appeared on his face, and he turned to the lady with earrings. "Catwoman, you'll take on the pale-skinned boy and the girl with pink hair. Poison Ivy, you'll attack the kid with the bright orange outfit and the kid monk with hair."

"What will you do, Leader?" Poison Ivy, a villain with luscious, long hair, asked.

"Well, duh, I'm going to KFC to get some fries."

Naruto's jaw dropped. Was this guy for real?

"Alright!" Catwoman smirked and put her hands together in a seal. She then performed a random technique. But it wasn't just any random technique; it was a random earth technique! Before anyone knew what was going on, a giant rock maze had been constructed around the area.

"Oh, shoot," Naruto muttered. "Well, at least Sai isn't here." Naruto looked around.

"Ow..." A voice from nearby said.

Naruto jumped. "Hey! A-are you a gh-ghost?"

"Ugh, you're such an idiot!" Sora said.

Great. Sora was the one who Naruto had ended up being paired with.

"I should give you an insulting nickname." Sora glared at Naruto. "That's what we give to dead people, you know."

Okay, now Sora had gone from being annoying to a total jerk.

"You give insulting nicknames to dead people?" Naruto asked. "You monks really are insane!" He let out a long sigh. "How am I going to survive this?"

"I'm leaving!" Sora yelled. He ran off into the distance, leaving Naruto all by himself.

"Wow," Naruto said. "Getting rid of him was easy."

* * *

_Author's Note: So, what do you all think of this so far? Is it still stupid, or does my brand of humor actually entertain you? Let me know in the reviews section!  
Man... I make fun of a lot of people in this story._


	7. Poison Ivy

Naruto was actually kind of happy that Sora had run off by himself.

"Hearing him point out the fact that I have hair was getting really annoying." Naruto muttered. He began to walk through the weird rock maze, but before he knew it, he was plummeted down into the dark depths of the maze!

"This suuuuuuucks!" Naruto yelled as he fell down onto another level of the maze.

Suddenly, he heard a really freaky laughing sound.

"Wh-what was that?" Naruto asked, looking every which way.

A strange giggle sounded from the tunnel to the right.

"Huh?" Naruto stood up straight and brushed the dirt of off his clothes. "Who's there?"

Oddly, there was no reply. Naruto began to walk down the tunnel, keeping an eye out for anyone that could have made that weird giggling sound. He didn't see anything at first; just some vines caressing the tunnel walls and some strange bugs crawling on the tunnel floors.

"Dang it," Naruto murmured as he stepped on one of the creepy bugs. "Thank goodness Shino wasn't here, or I'd never hear the end of this."

"Shino?" Came the voice that had giggled only seconds before. "Is he hot?"

Naruto's eyebrows shot straight up. "What kind of a creepy question is that? I'm a guy, I wouldn't even think about that!"

Girlish giggling sounded again, but this time, it was much closer. "Since you're obviously not that into romance, I guess I won't use_ that_ technique."

"Not into romance with other guys, yeah," Naruto muttered.

A figure clothed in a green jumpsuit dotted with leaves and wrapped with strands of vines walked out of one of the tunnels. "Hi!" The woman with epic hair from earlier said, slyly resting her hands on her hips and winking at Naruto. "I'm here to destroy you, darling."

Naruto let out a gasp. "Poison Ivy!"

Poison Ivy giggled and ran a hand through her long, brown hair. "Yep, it's me! And now, I'm going to kill you with... the Blow-Kiss of Death!" She giggled again, a little more maniacally this time.

"The Blow-Kiss of Death?" Naruto asked. "Huh, I thought you'd be more of the Kiss of Death type."

Poison Ivy shook her head. "I was going to use that technique, but the more I thought about it, the creepier it seemed. I mean, come on; you're at least ten years younger than me." She shuddered. "I'm not going to make out with a kid!"

Naruto nodded. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense."

Poison Ivy walked closer to Naruto. "But I can still use my trademark Blow-Kiss of Death!"

At this, Naruto let out a yelp and backed up. "H-hey! Crazy lady, I thought you said that you didn't want to kiss a kid!"

Poison Ivy giggled. "But blow-kisses aren't really kisses, you silly child. Now, get ready for the most awesome moment of your short little life!" She got into a sexy model pose, and then touched her fingertips to her lips.

Naruto's eyes widened. "Creep!" He jumped up to the tunnel roof, just barely dodging a strange red beam of... well, blow-kiss.

Poison Ivy didn't seem to be affected by her miss. Instead, she just laughed like a madwoman and began to blow more kisses.

Because of the crazy assault of blow-kisses, Naruto was jumping all over the place like a crazy frog. He had never experienced something so weird before.

"Give in to my swickediawetastic kisses!" Poison Ivy laughed maniacally, blowing more and more kisses in Naruto's direction. "You know you want a kiss! You've never been kissed by a girl in your life!"

"Hey!" Naruto yelled, jumping to the side in order to avoid yet another blow-kiss. "How did you know that?"

"I know everything!" Poison Ivy yelled.

Yeah. And Naruto had thought that the random sack of potatoes was weird.

* * *

_Author's Note: Yay for Batman villains!_


	8. The Power of Hair

Even though it seemed like a millennia, it was only a few minutes before Poison Ivy was bored of blowing kisses at Naruto.

"Geez, you're too good of a dodger." She pouted. "I'll have to cut to the chase and kill you instead." She did a few seals with her hands, and then said some random words. Immediately, the vines around her body lashed out at Naruto.

"Whoa!" The boy superhero leapt to the side. "What technique was that?"

"I call it the Swickediawetastic Vines of Death move!" Poison Ivy giggled.

"That's not one of the chakra elements!" Naruto protested. "There's no way that you can use that – you have to use one of the chakra elements!"

"Wow," Poison Ivy said. "When I was stalking you last year, you didn't seem that smart." She let out a sigh and retracted her vines. "Very well, I'll use proper techniques." She put her hands together and said a bunch more unintelligible words. Immediately, a dragon made out of water began to chase Naruto, snarling and yelling and spitting as it did so.

Being as it was the natural thing to do, Naruto dodged the water dragon.

Unfortunately, he failed.

"Seriously?" He shook himself, trying to get the water out of his ears. "What do you have to gain by making me soaking wet, you annoying-"

That was the moment that Poison Ivy revealed her true powers.

"Alright, then," She said, smirking and performing another set of seals. "Since you so obviously want me to act like a real super-villain, I shall comply to your wishes." She let out one of her freakishly annoying giggles. "Though it truly is a shame that I can't kiss you,"

Naruto felt chills of weirdness go down his spine, but he immediately stopped them by slapping himself in the face.

"There," He said when he was done. "That feels much better."

"Alright," Poison Ivy said, a wicked gleam in her eyes. "It's time to really kill you!" She aimed her hands at Naruto, and a giant bolt of lightning shot from her fingertips. "Die!"

And that was the moment that Naruto got electrocuted.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" The boy superhero yelled. "I DON'T KNOW HOW ANYONE CAN SURVIVE THIS EVEN ONCE, BUT I AIM TO SURVIVE THIS TEN TIMES!"

Poison Ivy giggled evilly and shot continuous bolts of lightning at Naruto. "You are a very silly boy. You will never have the powers of awesome hair like I do!"

_Awesome hair? _Naruto thought to himself as he lay on the ground, shaking from the torture he had just received. _Maybe she's giving away the secrets to her powers like Bowser from the Mario games!_

Slowly and shakily, Naruto pulled himself up from the ground he had been laying on. "I... I'm going to be the director of S.H.I.E.L.D." He stood up with much effort and wiped some random blood off of his lips. "I can't lose to the likes of you."

For some reason, this statement really offended Poison Ivy. She fluffed her hair back and shot another lightning bolt at Naruto. But the young superhero was way too fast. He jumped and dodged Poison Ivy's lightning, and while in mid-air, he pulled out a kunai and charged at the super-villain.

Poison Ivy huffed, annoyed that this weird child was getting the better of her. "I shall destroy you!" She screeched. "Time to act like an Uchiha; fire powers, activate!" She took in a deep breath. When she released the air that she had been keeping in her lungs, a large array of fireballs shot out from her mouth.

Just in the nick of time, Naruto created an army of shadow clones to be killed by the fire. He got through the fire without getting more injured than he already was. He was close to Poison Ivy now. He reached out his kunai and aimed for Poison Ivy's hair. It was so close...

But only a tiny little lock of hair was chopped off.

"Aw, darn it!" Naruto said, slapping his knee. He immediately regretted that, and howled in pain.

Poison Ivy howled in pain louder.

Naruto stared at her. Her face was shrinking and cracking just like that one scene in _Indiana Jones_!

"Wow," Naruto said. "Who knew that a bad hair day could mess up a girl that much?"


	9. I Didn't Know Them

"Bad hair days suck!" Sakura yelled into Naruto's ear.

"Ouch!" Naruto jumped back. "Sakura, when did you get here?"

"We've been here for a few minutes now, Naruto." Sai said, tilting his head and smiling in that annoying way that only Sai can smile. "We saw you get your butt kicked by that girl over there."

Naruto's eyes narrowed. "In case you hadn't noticed, Sai, I totally kicked _her _butt! And I am not opposed to kicking yours-"

"THIS FIGHT IS NOT OVER, HUMAN!"

Naruto stopped yelling at Sai. He turned his head and looked towards Poison Ivy. Somehow, the super-villain was looking like her normal self again. Her hair was perfectly combed, her eyes were perfectly evil, and her face wasn't withered.

"This fight isn't over." She said. "Even though my master has called me back for now, I will destroy you later." And with that outburst said, Poison Ivy disappeared into a cloud.

The three superheroes stared at the spot where Poison Ivy used to be.

"Well," Sakura said. "Thank goodness she's gone. She really annoyed me."

Naruto smirked slyly. "Was it because she wanted to kiss me, Sakur- OW!" He rubbed the spot on his head that had gotten hit by Sakura. "What was that for?"

Sakura glared at him, but didn't reply to his question. "Here," She held up her hands, which were surrounded with chakra. "Let me heal you guys up a bit before we go see Yamato and the others."

"Why?" Naruto asked. "I heal super-fast, and there are still super-villains out there to attack!"

"You're wrong." Sai said. "I have information that they all just retreated."

Naruto frowned. "Yeah, and we're supposed to believe you why?"

"My mice told me." Sai said, gesturing to the squeaking, ink-y creatures that were now by his feet.

"Wow," Sakura said. "He can speak mouse."

"Yeah, so what?" Naruto shot back. "The maze is still up! That's got to mean-"

Suddenly, the maze sunk back into the earth.

Naruto could have sworn that he saw Sai smirk.

"Ah, let's not use medical ninjutsu anymore." Sakura turned off the chakra in her hands. "Instead, let's go find Yamato and Sora and everyone else."

"Shouldn't we have found Sora by now?" Naruto asked.

Sakura shrugged. "He didn't want to accept my help, so I left him by the dead poisonous spider."

Naruto and Sai exchanged a glance. Girls could be truly heartless after all.

"Oh well, that sounds good!" Naruto said. "Hey, isn't that Yamato and Sora over there?" He pointed across the now rock-free field to where Yamato and Sora were standing.

"What a swickediawetastic coincidence!" Sakura said. "They're within walking distance."

"Why are you two taking all of this so lightly?" Sai asked. "We have four super-villains on the loose. They stole four important dead bodies, and they got away with it. Should we not go after them?"

"Nah," Naruto said. "I don't know any of the dead people, anyways."

"Naruto," Sai said. "The dead people are the Fantastic Four."

There was a pause.

"I didn't know them."

Cue Sakura punching Naruto.


	10. We Failed

The superheroes and Sora met up finally, and told each other the accounts of what they had done. It seemed that Yamato had had to fight a strange, buff guy who had seriously touch punches (and punch-lines). Sakura and Sai had fought a really disturbing lady who used poison, earth element, and constantly made strange, cat-like noises. Naruto had fought Poison Ivy, the lady who was obsessed with kissing and hair. And finally, there was Sora. He didn't say what he had done, although the others suspected he had gotten in the way a lot.

After telling each other what had gone on, they decided to head back to the monastery and inform Chiriku that they had failed in their mission. It sucked to have to tell a guy that you failed to retrieve his lost dead bodies, but hey, a superhero's got to do what a superhero's got to do.

"Hey, Chiriku," Yamato said casually as they walked into the monk's meeting room.

"Hm?" Chiriku turned around quickly from the table he had been leaning over. Naruto noticed that the head monk was holding some shady objects behind his back. "Did you retrieve the bodies?"

"I'm sorry to say that we did not get them." Yamato said.

"Yet," Sai said, rather dramatically.

Everyone stared at Sai.

"When did you become so emotional?" Sakura asked.

"It fit the moment," Sai said, returning to his normal, stone-faced demeanor. "I shall refrain from further weirdness."

"That's good," Naruto said. "because I'm the one who's crazy, not you!" He childishly stuck out his tongue at Sai.

Sai just stood there, as emotionless as ever.

Being as he didn't get a reaction from the guy he pretty much hated, Naruto just frowned and stayed still.

"I've decided that we should go back to the Leaf Village." Yamato said to Chiriku, bringing an element of seriousness back to the conversation. "It'll make for a nice break between serious episodes. We can relax, make Naruto train a bunch, and let Sora have a break from his angst."

Chiriku stroked his imaginary beard. "I think that's a very good idea, Captain Yamato. You have my full permission to take the boy and incorporate him into your daily life. Oh, just one tip: don't look at him with your eyes. He hates that."

Next to Naruto, Sora began to growl lowly. Naruto just kind of stared of him. "Sora, what the heck?"

"Nothing," Sora snapped. "I am not an angst-ridden character, and I do not care if people look at me with their eyes." Everyone knew this was a lie, of course.

"It's okay, Sora," Sakura said. "You'll probably get some fans when we get back to the Leaf Village. After all, you're getting the rare opportunity to be a main character for a whole arc in our very own village! And on top of all that, you'll get to meet Asuma!"

Sora scowled. "What's so cool about meeting this Asuma character? I don't even know him!"

"But you will," Yamato said, looking at Sora in that creepy way that only Yamato could do. At Sora's freaked out look, Yamato smiled and turned to Chiriku. "Well, we're off. We'll try to retrieve your dead bodies soon!"

Naruto could have sworn that he heard Chiriku mutter a thankless reply, but he wasn't sure.

The four superheroes and one not-so-bald monk then began to make their way back to the Leaf Village, leaving the Swickediawetastic Monastery of Bald Monks. It was a shame that they hadn't been able to recover the bodies of the Fantastic Four, but it didn't annoy them that badly. Now, they had a new, angst-y character and totally epic plotline to follow! It seemed that fate was in their interest.


	11. Ino Falls for Sora (sort of)

A lot of random stuff happened in the Leaf Village when Sora arrived there. The first of these oddities was that he made a girl fall in love with him.

"Oh my gosh," Ino whispered to Sakura when Team Kakashi came back to the village. "Who is that guy over there with the awesome hair-do?" She pointed to Sora.

Sakura rolled her eyes. Had her friend really fallen for another random guy again? "He's Sora from the Swickediawetastic Monastery of Bald Monks. He's kind of a grump, and hates the world because his father died."

"Wow," Ino stared at Sora with her eyes that were now shaped like hearts. "He's hot."

Sakura looked over at Sora. The boy was standing next to Naruto and Sai, looking very irked and uncomfortable. _It's a miracle that those three are even standing next to each other._

Unfortunately, Sakura's miracle ended within seconds.

"She's staring at me with her eyes!" Sora shouted, pointing at Ino.

Sakura facepalmed. "What would you rather have her look at you with; her feet?"

Naruto said something to Sora that Sakura couldn't hear. It seemed that, like always, Naruto had failed to help the situation get any better, because moments later, Sora growled and ran off on the rooftops.

"What an idiot." Sakura heard Naruto say.

Sakura frowned and crossed her arms. "Naruto, go fix that problem right now! If you don't, I swear that I will punch you."

"That's not much of a threat." Naruto muttered. "You always punch me."

Moments later, Sakura punched Naruto.

"Now, go find him, you idiot!" Sakura shouted.

"Okay, okay!" Naruto jumped off onto the roofs and went to go find Sora.

Sakura just stood there, shaking her head. "What is with that guy?"

Sai, who everyone forget even existed, tilted his head and smiled at Sakura. "Some could say that luck is with that guy, but I-"

Sakura didn't listen to the rest of Sai's random ramblings. Instead, she turned her attention to Ino, who seemed to have gotten her mind back.

"Ugh, what was that all about?" Ino smacked herself in the side of the head. "It's not even like me to fall for random newcomers to the village!"

_Yes, Ino, it is. _Sakura thought to herself.

Ino shrugged. "Oh well, I'd better go find Shikamaru. He's probably expecting me for today's training session anyways." So off she went.

Sakura let out a sigh. _Why, Ino, did you have to leave me with the Tactless One?_

When Sakura thought of the devil, the devil spoke up. Silly Sakura; one would think she'd have known better than that.

"Would you like to train with me?" Sai asked, smiling strangely.

Suddenly, Sakura couldn't take it anymore.

"Ew!" She said, jumping back from where she had been standing only moments before. "You're a total insane weirdo who doesn't understand what it means to be polite! I don't want to train with you! I'd rather train with... with Lee!" With that outburst, Sakura ran off, leaving Sai sad and friendless.


	12. The Second Fight

The next weird thing that happened to Sora while he was in the Leaf Village was the all-out boys' battle that happened in the forest. There were, of course, a lot of events that led up to this crazy brawl, but this parody's author will only show you one of them.

"I can throw better than you!" Sora yelled.

"Oh yeah?" Naruto raised his kunai and channeled some chakra into it. "We'll see who the real target of Sakura's affections is!"

Sora blinked awkwardly. "What?"

"Oh, whoops," Naruto shrugged. "I guess I'm so used to fighting over her with Lee that I totally forgot what I was doing."

Sora growled and threw his kunai. It embedded itself into a tree.

"I can do better!" Naruto said. He threw his own kunai. It also got stuck in a tree... but it was at the same depth as Sora's.

Sora crossed his arms and laughed. "See? I told you that I could do better."

Naruto frowned. "No way; mine is farther in than yours!"

"Nuh uh, mine rules."

"Oh yeah? Well I think that yours sucks!"

"I think that you-"

"Boys, boys,"

Both of the young superheroes stopped their bickering and turned around.

"A-Asuma," Sora said. "I forgot that I had even met you."

Asuma nodded, taking a cigarette out of his pocket and lighting it. "If the two of you don't man up and stop acting like children, I swear that you'll never get this done."

The boys were silent for a moment. They seemed to be weighing the consequences in their minds. Was it really worth it to yell at each other and lose one of the most swickediawetastic teachers of all time?

"Okay, okay," Naruto said, sighing and wiping some sweat off of his brow. "It sucks, but I guess we can be nice to each other."

Suddenly, Sora had a change of heart.

"ATTACK!" He yelled. He then attacked Naruto.

"Whoa!" Naruto jumped back, holding his kunai in front of his body for protection. "I thought we were going to be nice, what's your problem?"

"You hate me too, don't you, Naruto?" Sora said as he slashed repeatedly at the yellow-haired superhero. "You have to remember that you hate my guts!"

"Oh yeah, right," Naruto suddenly remembered. "I do hate your guts! Okay, let's go have a giant fight."

So the two boys jumped over to the forest where they began to fight.

Asuma facepalmed. "If those idiots don't listen to me, they'll never learn to be as awesome as I am."

"Asuma-sensei, are you making bad jokes again?"

Asuma turned around. "Oh, hi Kiba! You should go join that all-out boys' brawl over there in the woods." He pointed to where Naruto and Sora were fighting.

Kiba frowned and shook his head. "I don't want to, and besides, you didn't answer my question. Are you making bad jokes again?"

Asuma laughed and shook his head. "No, no, I've decided that none of those will ever come into my life again. Although I am pretty awesome-a,"

Kiba facepalmed and Akamaru barked. "That was so lame, Asuma-sensei." Kiba muttered.

Asuma nodded and breathed out a puff of smoke. _How do I get Kiba to join the all-out boys' brawl? _Suddenly, he had an idea.

"Kiba," He said, putting on a serious face as he looked at the boy. "Sora called Akamaru fat."

Kiba gasped. "HE IS SO DEAD!" He and Akamaru ran off to attack Sora.

Asuma simply smiled to himself. "Yay," he said. "Now I can go find more people to add to this brawl! Man, this will sure make a good picture."

So, with his camera in hand, Asuma began to walk away from the forest, off to find some more weary souls to add to his photo shoot.

* * *

_Author's Note: I don't know why Asuma is a photographer. As for the bad joke about his name, you can blame my brother for that one._


	13. Stopping the Fight

Somehow, two more boys had managed to join the all-out boys' brawl by the time Asuma had set up his camera to take a picture. The two boys were Choji and Lee.

"Yes," Asuma said, adjusting the settings on his digital camera that was standing on a tripod. "Now, if only I can get the lighting right..."

"Asuma-sensei,"

Asuma yelped and jumped around, hiding the camera behind his back. "O-oh! Shikamaru, I didn't see you there." He laughed nervously, trying to hide the fact that he had just been about to take a picture.

Shikamaru sighed. "You know, Asuma, everyone in the village knows about your weird obsession with photography. It gets really troublesome and boring when you try to hide it from everyone."

Asuma paused for a moment. "Wait, everyone already knows?"

Shikamaru nodded. "Yeah, and-" he frowned. "Did I just hear the sound of someone getting kicked in the face?"

Asuma nodded. "Yeah, the boys are fighting over there. Want to help me stop them?"

Shikamaru shrugged. "Sure, whatever,"

The two guys walked over to where everyone was fighting, creating super-awesome strategies with their super-awesome brains. Before two seconds had passed, they had a plan.

"I'll go and yell at them to stop." Asuma said. "I might use my swickediawetastic chakra blades too. You sneak up on them and catch them in your freaky shadow."

Shikamaru nodded. "Alright,"

They proceeded to walk over to where the all-out boys' brawl was taking place. In less than five minutes, they had the boys completely defeated.

"Hey, why did you stop us?" Lee asked. "I thought this was the preliminary event for YouthCon 2013 that I signed up for!"

Asuma just stared at Lee for a moment. "No," he finally said. "I didn't even know such a thing existed."

"Aw, man!" Lee said. "You're not telling me that I missed the preliminaries, are you?"

"Nobody cares about your stupid convention, you weirdo." Sora snapped, crossing his arms and turning his head. "I'm just mad that I don't get to continue destroying Naruto."

Shikamaru sighed. "Grow up, you guys."

"Hey, that is so not true! You couldn't have destroyed me, even if you had really tried!" The boy superhero said.

Sora's eyes widened. "Are you implying that I didn't try?"

"Oh, you're right I am!"

"I'm going to give you an insulting nickname!"

"Go ahead and try it-"

"Shut up!" Asuma yelled. "Boys, your argument is lame. It doesn't even contain good, solid insults! So if you're just going to whine like this all the time, I will never train either of you again."

Thankfully, Asuma's words seemed to work, because all of the boys became quiet and left. All of them except for Choji and Shikamaru, that is.

"Sensei," Choji said. "Why was I even in that fight?"

Asuma sighed and blew out a puff of smoke. "I don't even remember."


	14. The Two Important Old People Suck

The third weird thing that happened to Sora occurred when he was spying on Tsunade and the Two Important Old People.

"Ah, the Two Important Old People," Tsunade said as the aforementioned elders walked into her meeting room. "Wasn't our meeting scheduled for next week?"

The old woman frowned and shook her head, looking as grumpy as ever with her closed eyes and her strict-looking hairdo. "Princess Tsunade, we have heard news that you let a dangerous boy into the village. Why have you done this, and what do you have to say for yourself?"

Tsunade shrugged. "I would answer your question, but I first need to know which dangerous boy you're referring to. There are lots of them in the village, you know."

The old man shook his cane at Tsunade. "Don't you be insolent to your elders, little girl!"

Tsunade glared at him. "Who're you calling little girl?"

"Oh," The old lady cackled. "Would you rather have us refer to your real age?"

"No!"

"Then," The old man said, crossing his arms in a justified matter. "Why don't you just tell us why a boy from the Swickediawetastic Monastery of Bald Monks is in the Leaf Village?"

"And why he has hair," added the old lady.

Tsunade nodded. She and the old people sat down, and then she began to speak. "The boy we brought back is named Sora. He has a freaky power which made Naruto call him Wolverine, but I think we can really help him."

The old people shook their heads at the same time.

"He must die." The old man said.

Tsunade's jaw dropped. "Why?"

"Because we old people are afraid of what we cannot understand," The old woman said grumpily.

Tsunade gritted her teeth. "Like hell you are; that's a stupid excuse!"

"Princess Tsunade, settle down." The old man said, shaking his cane again. "You need to do what we say, or else you're fired."

Tsunade was really angry now. "First of all," she said through gritted teeth. "I am not a princess, so don't call me that. I'm your Director, and because of that, you can't fire me! I am the most powerful superhero in the Leaf Village. Therefore, you cannot fire me – ever!"

The old woman tsked her tongue and stood up. "If you don't kill the boy, we will. This meeting is adjourned."

The Two Important Old People stood up and exited the room. Once they were gone, Tsunade threw a dish against the wall.

"I hate them!" She screamed.

While all that was going on, Sora himself had been hiding in the rafters of the building. An angst-ridden character to begin with, Sora was now angrier than he had ever been in his life. Who were these Leaf Village superheroes to tell him when to die? What did those old people have against him? Suddenly, Sora knew what he had to do. He jumped down from the rafters, totally blowing his cover, and ran away.

"Sora!" Tsunade yelled.

But Sora didn't listen to her. He just kept running and running, trying to get away from his crappy life. And as he did so, he shed a secret tear of sadness and pain.

Unfortunately, Sora's sad and dramatic moment didn't last that long.

"Oof!" The boy superhero fell onto the ground after running into someone.

"Oh, Sora, hi,"

Sora was just about to let out a hurl of insults, but then he saw who he had run into. "Asuma," He stood up and brushed the dirt off of his pants. "What are you doing here?"

Asuma shrugged. "I don't know, I guess I just like standing in the middle of the street."

Sora looked around. Sure enough, they were standing in the middle of the street. And, sure enough, everyone else on the street was staring at them.

Sora began to growl. "They're looking at me with their eyes-"

Asuma cut off Sora by shaking his head. "Sora, do you know why you don't have any friends?"

Sora's eyes widened. Then, he turned his head away. "Why should I care if I don't have any friends? I don't need friends! I'm the master of loneliness, and you'd better believe it."

"You know, Sora," Asuma puffed on his cigarette for a moment. "I should become your father figure. You know, since I was one of the Twelve Superhero Avengers, just like your dad."

"Wait, you knew my dad?" Sora asked.

Asuma smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I did. We were buddies and everything. I can teach you how to make friends because I knew him. So, want me to take you under my wing?"

Sora thought about it for a moment. This decision could either make him happy forever, or seriously intensify the level of angst in this story. Being the silly little character that he was, Sora decided to go with the former.

"Alright," Sora said. "I'll let you take me under your wing."

"Good!" Asuma said. "Now, to officially be my student, you need to either: start smoking, be really smart, or have a superhero name."

"Ew!" Sora frowned. "That's horrible."

"What?" Asuma asked. "Being smart isn't bad."

"I think I'll just go with the superhero name."

And so, that's how Sora became officially known as Wolverine.


	15. Tsunade Isn't a Murderer

"Sora!"

Sora scowled. "I don't answer to that name anymore; I go by Wolverine."

Naruto stopped in his tracks. "Oh... you do? That's news to me."

Sora sighed. Even though he really didn't like Naruto, Asuma had told him that if he didn't start being nice, he'd never make friends. So, like a good little student, Sora began to be nice.

"Um..." Sora looked at Naruto for a second. "Your hair looks really swickediawetastic today."

"What?!" Naruto gave Sora a weird look. "Hm... are you feeling all right?" He narrowed his eyes. "Or is that secretly an insult because monks aren't supposed to have hair?"

"I'm not a monk!" Sora yelled. "Why does everyone think I'm a-" Suddenly, Sora remembered that he was trying to be nice. He laughed nervously and tried again. "I mean, um, no, I'm not a monk."

Naruto shrugged. "Okay, that's fine by me."

Sora decided to change the topic. "Hey," he said. "Did you know that Asuma is my friend now?"

Naruto gasped. "You have a friend?!"

"Yeah, I-"

Suddenly, someone else walked up to the boys.

"Naruto,"

Naruto turned around. "Oh, Sai," he frowned. "What do you want?"

"Director Tsunade wants to see both you and Sora in her office." Sai said, smiling weirdly.

For some weird reason, this caused Sora to scream.

"Sora – I mean, Wolverine, what the heck?" Naruto frowned. "It's not like she's going to kill you or anything. Just don't insult her, and you won't end up in the possible."

"She is going to kill me!" Sora said. "The Two Important Old People told her to! I swear, it's a plot against this arc! They want to destroy it because I'm not a nice enough character!"

Naruto just stared at Sai for a moment. Then, all of a sudden, a holy moment happened. "Sora, er, um Wolver-"

Sora sighed. "You can call me Sora. It's not like anyone but Asuma calls me Wolverine anyways."

"Okay, that makes things a lot simpler." Naruto returned to his holy moment. "Sora, I used to be an angst-y character like you once. Everyone hated me because I was powerful and awesome, just like you; except you're not that awesome. Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that I can relate to you, so you don't have to worry."

Sora blinked awkwardly. "What does that have to do with Tsunade killing me?"

Naruto shrugged. "I don't remember. But anyways, it should make you feel a little better about yourself!"

"It totally didn't!" Sora yelled.

"Anyways, we have to go." Sai said. "If we don't, this parody will never get finished."

Naruto and Sora exchanged a glance.

"Okay, fine, whatever," Sora said. "But I'm bringing my Wolverine blades, just in case!" He unsheathed his blades.

Naruto smiled. "That's fine with me! Come on, let's go see if you're going to get killed or not."

So the three boys took a long, leisurely walk to Tsunade's office. When they finally reached S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters, they found the Director pacing around her office, her pet pig in hand.

"You!" Tsunade pointed accusingly at Sai. "I told you to get them here quickly!"

"Sorry," Sai said.

"Ugh, whatever," Tsunade turned to Naruto and Sora. "Sora, I really apologize for what happened the other day. The Two Important Old People, well..." she shook her head. "Let's just say that we don't agree on many things. Ever. Even in my dreams."

"Wait, you dream about the Two Important Old People?" Naruto asked.

"Don't ask stupid questions!" Tsunade barked. "You'd dream about them too if they kept invading your personal life."

"So, you're not going to kill me?" Sora asked.

"No," Tsunade confirmed. "Especially because I just got a tip from an anonymous source that the Leaf Village is going to be invaded tomorrow."

Naruto frowned. "Where'd you get the tip from?"

"I found it on my Facebook page. Someone I didn't know had written it."

"Then," Sai said helpfully. "it wasn't really anonymous."

"Shut up, Sai," Tsunade said.

"Shutting up,"

"Who did it say the post was written by?" Sora asked.

Tsunade narrowed her brown eyes. "It was by someone I had never even heard of before. Someone calling himself ...Potato Man,"

* * *

_Author's Note: I just had to make fun of Naruto's inspirational speeches. And Sai is so easy to make fun of, too._

_Thoughts, comments, questions? Should I make a chapter of a list of this story's references?_


	16. Potato Man

The time before the invasion of the Leaf Village was a pretty normal time. Things happened, stuff went on, and Sora started to become a tiny bit friendlier. Unfortunately, this change in his mood didn't last very long, because it wasn't very long before the Leaf Village was invaded.

Our awesome characters knew that the attack was going to happen, but what they didn't anticipate was the fact that the Fantastic Four would be involved in the fight.

"We've been invaded! We've been invaded!" A random superhero cried as he ran throughout the town. "Everyone, get to your battle stations! Four super-villains have infiltrated our not-so-secret secret village!"

"Darn it," Asuma said. He shoved his camera into his pocket and pulled out his chakra blades. "Well, I guess I'd better go find the villains." Along with many other superheroes, he began to go find the bad guys.

As a weird plot twist, Sora found one of the bad guys, too.

You see, Sora had only recently changed his mind about being taken under Asuma's wing. For reasons that nobody understands, Sora changed his mind a lot. Sora had decided to go back to his angst-y self and take a walk, trying to figure out if Tsunade had actually told the truth when she had said to him that she wasn't going to kill him. Yeah, Sora decided that she'd been lying. He had no proof to back up this theory, but being the angst-y character he was, it wasn't hard to think weird things like that.

"Hey, kid,"

Sora stopped suddenly. "Huh?" He said. "Who's there?"

Suddenly, the leader of the attack on the SMBM jumped in front of Sora!

"Hi," The guy said. "I want to talk to you. Do you want to eat some potatoes with me while we talk?"

"Um, sure, I guess," Sora said. He and the random guy quickly built a campfire and started to eat potatoes.

"These are yummy." The random guy said.

"Um... why are we eating potatoes?" Sora asked. "Didn't you want to talk to me about something?"

"Oh, yeah, right," The random guy finished his potato. He then looked at Sora seriously. "Sora, everyone hates you. Did you know that all you are to people is a tool? They all hate you, but I can help you kill them."

Sora's eyes widened. He had never thought about killing to solve his problems. "What do I have to do?"

"First of all," the random guy said. "you have to prove to me that you're worthy by letting me beat you up."

"What!?" Sora asked.

The random guy nodded. "Yeah, I don't really know why either, but that's what happened, so I have to beat you up."

"No way!" Sora said. "That is totally weird, and I won't let you beat me up."

There was a moment of silence.

"Okay." The guy finally said. "I guess I have a bit of a heart after all. I don't want to beat up my son."

Sora arched an eyebrow. "Your son?"

The guy's eyes widened. "Oh, uh, I mean... you remind me of my son! Yeah, yeah, you really do." He laughed nervously. "Yeah, my son was just like you. Angst-y... and life-hating... he wasn't a really nice kid."

"Oh," Sora said.

"Anyways," The random guy said, obviously wanting to change the subject. "I have to go revive some dead bodies, so go make some trouble for the village while I'm gone, okay?"

"Wait!" Sora said as the random guy stood up to leave. "How do I know you'll help me kill the people I hate? What proof do I have that you're actually a bad guy?"

"Because," the man smirked. "I am Potato Man."

And then, just like a ninja, Potato Man vanished.

Sora sat there for a moment.

"Well," the boy monk/superhero finally said. "I guess I'd better go help him wreak havoc."

* * *

_Author's Note: Yay for mixing up the order of events! I'm almost done this parody, I think. After Kazuma (er, Potato Man) revives the Fantastic Four, there will be the zombie apocalypse chapter(s), and then we'll see what happens to Sora when he follows Potato Man's advice, and then the outcome will happen!_


	17. Zombies: What the Heck?

Lots of weird stuff was happening in the Leaf Village. Other than the fact that the village was being completely destroyed and burned down like it was every second month, there was also a certain type of apocalypse happening downtown. It was a scary apocalypse. It was a zombie apocalypse.

"Gah!" Choji yelled as he sliced through yet another undead dead body. "This is so disgusting; it almost makes me wish I hadn't eaten lunch!"

"Just keep working through it, Choji!" Lee said as he punched a zombie in the face. "Even though this is a really random plot twist that no one saw coming, we can defeat the zombies!" Cue a zombie getting power-kicked in the gut.

No one in the Leaf Village had ever expected to see a zombie apocalypse in anything other than that one book of Jiraiya's. But now, their worst fears were coming true. The four evil super-villains had returned, and one of them had unleashed a zombie army on the villagers. The other super-villains were busy fighting people such as Naruto, Asuma, and random villagers. To take matters to the next level of horrible, one of the super-villains had even put the Leaf Village in a giant force field, making it impossible for people to leave or enter the village.

There were a lot of people fighting the zombies. Lee, Neji, and Tenten were fighting, as well as Shikamaru, Choji, and Ino, and Kiba, Shino, and Hinata. The local village gate-keepers were pitching in too.

"Destroy..." One of the zombies warbled. "Eat... brains..."

"These things are so totally gross!" Ino yelled as she chopped one's head off. "I want them all to go take baths right now."

"They're obviously not going to do that." One of the gate-keeper superheroes said, using his laser vision to blast one of the zombies to dust. "They're being controlled by the evil super-villains, you know."

"Oh my gosh!" Someone suddenly yelled.

Everyone turned around and looked at the random superhero who had yelled. For some reason, because everyone else was paused, the zombies decided to pause, too.

"This is my mother!" A random superhero sobbed, pointing his kunai at one of the zombies. "She lived in a village a few miles away from here, and now she's dead!"

"Hm," Shikamaru said. "Since Director Tsunade sent me here to be smart, I guess I'll comply to her wishes. Using my super-smart brain, I've decided that all of these corpses are actually from many villages that the super-villains have pillaged and plundered in the past few weeks."

"You make them sound like bloody pirates." A random person in the background muttered.

"Guys!" Lee said, taking everyone's attention away from the random superheroes and Shikamaru. "The zombies are starting to walk again. We have to destroy them! Destroy, destroy, destroy!" The high-on-youth superhero began to start kicking away at the zombies, turning many of them to dust.

All of the superheroes kept on destroying the zombies. But as they destroyed them, more just kept appearing and appearing through the ground. It was a horrible thing to have to re-kill innocent people, but the superheroes couldn't help it. They had to protect their village at whatever the cost; and if that meant killing zombies, that's what they would do.

But not all of the Leaf Village superheroes were battling zombies. Some of them were doing medical things, like Sakura, and some of them were doing important things like battling super-villains, just like Naruto was doing...


	18. One Down, Three to Go

"Ha ha, you didn't kill me!"

Naruto glared across the rooftop at the flowy-haired female super-villain. "I know that, Poison Ivy." He growled. "But who says I won't now?"

Poison Ivy giggled, fiddling with the vines that trailed up her arms. "I've made a big decision, boy! I've decided that I am going to kiss you after all."

"Oh God," Naruto said, falling to his knees and raising his hands to the sky. "Why does it have to be me?!"

"I've got you now, my pretty!" Poison Ivy randomly said in an uncharacteristic Wicked Witch of the West voice. She giggled maniacally and used a water technique, totally soaking the blonde-haired boy superhero who was kneeling a few feet away from her.

"Wait, water?" Naruto stood up and shook himself off. He frowned thoughtfully. "Water... what comes after water...?" Suddenly, he heard a loud crack.

"Oh crap," He said, his blue eyes wide. "Lightning!"

Sure enough, bolts of blue lightning were shooting from Poison Ivy's fingers onto the water that surrounded Naruto's feet. The boy superhero started screaming in pain, and it seems that his agony made Poison Ivy even more rushed to kiss him.

"You'll make a wonderful addition to my collection." She murmured, smirking as she kept on electrocuting Naruto. as she kept on electrocuting Naruto.

"What kind of freak makes a collection of dead bodies?!" Naruto yelled.

Poison Ivy giggled. "You just don't get it, silly boy." She lowered her hands and stopped her lightning powers. Immediately, Naruto fell to the ground, twitching as he tried to get up. "You look really stupid when you do that." She pointed out.

Naruto kept twitching, somehow able to stand up after getting electrocuted about ten times in the past few weeks. "I... I have to make it dramatic!" He finally stood up, now ready to beat the snot out of Poison Ivy. "I'm going to kill you for real now." He said. "Mass Shadow Clones!" Immediately, a small army of Narutos appeared behind the original boy superhero. "Here I come!" He shouted.

Poison Ivy rolled her eyes. "I'm bored; I think I'm going to show you my real powers now. Wind powers, activate!" She took in a deep breath, then breathed out a myriad of small, needle-sharp bits of wind. She pointed at Naruto and laughed. "I hurt you."

"Ahh!" The sound of clones poofing into white clouds sounded as Poison Ivy's wind technique started to take effect. Soon, there was only one Naruto left. It was the real Naruto.

"Okay," the boy said, standing up again. "So you can use wind powers. Big deal,"

Poison Ivy smirked. "I can do more than that, silly boy! I can use all of the elemental powers!" Immediately, a giant swarm of fire balls, streams of water, hunks of rock, bolts of lightning, and needle-like bits of wind were shot at Naruto. It seemed that Poison Ivy had not been bluffing; she really could use all of the elemental powers.

Naruto had a hard time dodging all of the attacks. A few of them hit him, but even so, he kept on going.

He had a plan.

"Hey, Poison Ivy!" Naruto taunted, jumping high above the building and going to a lower destination. "You can't kiss me if you don't come down here!"

Poison Ivy stopped shooting her elemental weapons. "Oh, okay," she said in her normal, bubbly voice. "I really do want to kiss you, you know." She jumped down from the building. Naruto wasn't in sight. _That's weird, _Poison Ivy thought, _I guess I'll just have to keep on searching for him. _"I want to feel your chakra-filled lips against mine, young child!" She said, not caring about how utterly weird that sounded. "I am just so obsessed with kissing, you know. This one time, I met this seriously cute guy in junior high, and I was just so in love that I went up and kissed him! He died, though, about two minutes later. That's when I realized that I had Kiss of Death powers!" She giggled. "Did you know where I worked before getting a job as a super-villain with Potato Man? I was a waitress at McDonalds. Yeah, I bet you didn't imagine that, right? I kept their freezer room stocked with all of the dead people I had kissed. It was totally awesome, except for that one day, when I went in there and found one of the bodies missing. I got, like, totally angry, and-" The all-too-familiar _shnick _sound of a kunai caused Poison Ivy to stop her rambling. "Wh-what?!" She said. "What's going on?"

"I figured out the cause of your powers." Naruto's voice came from right behind her. "Your hair is magical. Remember when I cut it off last time we met? Well, I figured out from playing the Super Mario games that if I cut it all off three times, you'll die."

Poison Ivy's face started to crinkle up. "NO!" She shouted. "I... I can't die!" She started screaming, trying to get away from Naruto. But the young boy's grip on her freshly-cut short hair was strong.

"I'm going to hold you right here." He said. "And when you get into a new body, I'll just cut your hair off for a third time."

"BUT I WANTED TO KISS YOU!" Poison Ivy screamed. "AND WHAT ABOUT THE EVIL LIMELIGHT PLAN!?"

"Limelight?" Naruto asked. He shrugged. "Hm, sounds boring. Now stay put already."

Well, that was one super-villain down; but there were still three to go. And what was the evil limelight plan? Some of these things will be taken care of in the next swickediawetastic chapter.


	19. Asuma's Epic Fail

Asuma was having a really horrible day. It all started with the village being under attack and his photo shoot being completely ruined. But what's even worse is that the problem expanded to an old friend whom he thought he'd killed.

"Kazuma," Asuma said, standing in awe as his old friend-turned-enemy walked up to him with a smirk.

The white-haired man snorted. "I'm honoured that you remember my name, Asuma. But I'm known as Potato Man now."

Asuma gasped. "So you're the one who gave the Director the tip about the Leaf Village getting invaded!"

Potato Man nodded his head. "Yeah, and you'd better believe it, punk!"

Asuma frowned. "Kazuma, what's wrong? You never used to act like this back in the days of the Twelve Superhero Avengers. Why do you suddenly feel the need to act cool?"

Potato Man's jaw dropped. "Are you saying that back in the day, I wasn't cool?"

Asuma shook his head quickly. "No, no, of course not! After all, we were the bestest of friends! I would have never thought that you weren't cool, Kazuma."

"Oh," Potato Man relaxed a little bit. "Well, since that misunderstanding is understood, let's get to the fact of the matter." His face became serious. "Asuma, I'm going to immobilize you for the sake of the plot."

Asuma's eyes widened. "Kazuma, why would you do a sinister thing like that? Don't you know that you don't have to say on the Dark Side forever? Your son is right here, right in this village. You can make amends with your wicked past and be friends with all of us again. You don't have to do these evil things-"

Suddenly, Asuma was cut off. Potato Man had thrown three weird-looking spears at him. They all stabbed the ground around Asuma in a triangular shape, creating a force field around the Leaf Village superhero.

"Aw, darn," Asuma said. "I'm stuck!"

Potato Man snickered. "Your do-good speeches don't have an effect on me, Asuma. I'm going to attack the Leaf Village with my ultimate plan, Limelight. That plan is basically a gross plot-twister using reincarnated bodies that I stole from the Swickediawetastic Monastery of Bald Monks that will shoot light from four concentrated areas into one glorious focal point that will wipe out the entire Leaf Village in one fell swoop!"

Asuma paused for a moment. "Could you repeat that again?"

"No!" Potato Man let out a crazy-man laugh, his crazy-man eyes sparkling crazily. "I'm going to destroy the Leaf Village, and you won't be able to stop me." With a following string of maniacal laughter, Potato Man ran disappeared in a flash of light.

Asuma fell to his knees. "This sucks!" He tried to bang his head dejectedly on the force field, but his head just got zapped instead. "OW!"

This was not good. How was Asuma going to get out of this prison and inform everyone else about the evil Limelight plan?

"I'm blocked on all three sides." Asuma said woefully, looking out at the dark night through the force field. "I guess I'll just stay here for a while."

Time went by as Asuma idly sat in his prison cage. He wished that he could break away and go help his fellow superheroes, but he was just too stuck.

Well, at least he thought he was, until it rained on him.

Asuma felt a drop of water fall onto his nose.

"Huh?" Asuma looked up at the sky. It was starting to rain. "How did all of the rain get inside the force field?"

And that was the moment that Asuma realized the force field didn't cover the top of the cage.

"Oh..." He said, feeling really dumb. "Okay, I'm just going to pretend that that never happened." He jumped out of the cage, pulled out his chakra blades, and prepared himself for more battling.

* * *

_Author's Note: This one was quickly written and written with a cold, but I still thought it was funny. =P Please review and tell me what you think!_


	20. People are Defeated, and Sakura is Scary

All that was left of Poison Ivy was a dead wig.

"Wow," Naruto said, wiping his brow. "I can't believe that the source of her life was actually her hair. I mean, really, that is so messed up! Is there going to be any explanation for this?"

Unfortunately, there never would be an explanation for that strange occurrence. Being as he already knew this fact, Naruto decided to go help out his fellow superheroes.

"I keep seeing these strange flashes of light shooting up into the sky." Naruto said to no one in particular. "I should actually go investigate those before I do anything else."

So, being the semi-smart guy he was, Naruto dashed off to find the others.

Meanwhile, in another part of the Leaf Village...

"What... what is going on?!"

All of the superheroes who were battling the zombies stared in awe as the ground began to swallow the living dead up.

"Someone must have taken out the strange, earth-using lady!" Lee said.

"Thank God." Ino scowled and looked at her hair in disgust. "I'm going to have to take a shower to get all of the moldy fingers out of my hair."

CRACK!

Suddenly, lightning shot up from the sky in two points.

"Oh no!" Shikamaru yelled, acting completely out of character. When he saw that everyone was staring at him because of his strange outburst, he quickly coughed and began to act like himself again. He scowled as he looked up at the sky, stroking an imaginary beard on his chin. "From my extremely smart brain, I have concluded that the number of the electrical shots in the sky have been cut in half. I believe that two of the enemies have been overtaken; the earth-user, and some other annoying super-villain. Since the zombies have been sucked back into the ground and we have nothing else to do, we should split up. Half of us should help evacuate, and the other half should fight."

"Yes, sir!" The superheroes said. And, just like Shikamaru said, the group split in half.

This battle seemed to be taking a turn for the better.

Meanwhile, in another part of the Leaf Village...

"Hell yeah! Take that, loser!" Sakura's fist crunched into the skull of what used to be the Riddler. It would seem that the Riddler had, quite stupidly, decided to attack the female medical superhero. But Sakura had not turned out to be the delicate, little, pink-haired thing she appeared to be. No; the Riddler had figured out quickly that Sakura Haruno was not a force to be messed with. Unfortunately, he messed with her, and now he was dead.

Yamato stared at Sakura, a look of pure shock on his cookie sheet-masked face. "Why... why did you kill him, Sakura?"

Sakura shrugged, pulling up the gloves on her hands. "You really weren't doing anything about him, Captain Yamato. I decided to take matters into my own hands." She shot the man a sweet smile. "I hope I didn't cause any trouble."

Yamato gulped. "No... heh, heh, no trouble at all." He made a mental note to _not _get in the way of a ticked off female medical ninja – no matter how girly their colour of hair was.

"Oh, and by the way," Sakura spoke up. "I think that the Fantastic Four are at a location over there." She pointed in the said direction. "I think the Riddler said something about a life-reviving technique before he died."

Yamato nodded, his head suddenly in serious mode again. "We should make our way over there, Sakura. Now that I think of it," he tilted his head thoughtfully before adding, "we should bring along Sai, too. You never know when we'll need someone to swoop in with a giant bird."

Sakura shrugged. "Do what you want, Captain."

So the two swickediawetastic superheroes started to make their way over to where the Fantastic Four were.

Little did they know that they were in for a giant surprise.


	21. Dr Doom's Weapon

Sora had somehow wandered onto the roof of a random house. He was crying out in pain, sorrow, agony, and angst. He wasn't really sure who to believe in his life, but since Potato Man seemed to understand his sorrows, he believed Potato Man in this chapter of his life.

"Why?" Sora asked, crying and looking up at the sky. "Why is it that everyone hates me? Why is it that I can magically make girls fall in love with me? Why is it that I can never have the same opinion on something for more than five minutes? Why?"

It seemed that someone had an answer to Sora's questions.

"I think you have to like yourself before anyone can learn to like you, Sora."

Sora immediately stopped his ranting. Wait, had someone actually heard him? Did someone actually care? Sora looked down from where he was on the house, hoping to see some amazing, angelic person.

"Oh, it's just you, Naruto." Sora said when he saw who the owner of the voice was. A sudden grumpiness overtook the boy's soul as he continued, "Go away, or I swear that I'll kill you!"

Naruto jumped up onto the deck. "You shouldn't threaten to kill people, Sora. It's really-"

"Says the guy who always blabs about killing Lokichimaru!" Sora snapped.

Naruto paused. "Okay, well that's totally different. Killing _good _people isn't good."

"Then why did you kill Poison Ivy?" Sora yelled.

"Wait, how do you even know about that?"

"I have contacts in high places."

"Really? Can you give me their numbers?"

"No, you idiot! Now get lost, or I'm going to lose my temper and brutally attack you to twist the plot and make you discover something insane and random about me!"

Naruto shook his head. "No, Sora, I'm not going to let you waste your life by joining the forces of evil. That's what my best friend, Sasuke, did. It's just too cliché for a superhero story! It's like Victor von Doom turning against his best friends, the Fantastic Four!" Suddenly, Naruto had a revelation. This was a very rare thing for Naruto, since having revelations means using one's brain, and we all know how rarely Naruto uses his brain.

"Victor von Doom," Naruto breathed. "Potato Man is Dr. Doom!"

Sora snorted. "That's a stupid idea. Potato Man is obviously Potato Man. Didn't you see us eating potatoes together?"

"Traitor!" Naruto yelled.

Sora rolled his eyes. "Everyone knows that Dr. Doom was killed, like, a lifetime ago. Potato Man isn't him. I just know it."

"The one with spiky hair is right!"

Naruto self-consciously touched his yellow locks before seeing who had spoken. "Hey!" He said, pointing at the newcomer. "You're Potato Man, AKA Dr. Doom!"

Potato Man let out a huff. "I hate you, you know."

"Why?" Naruto asked.

"Pfft, isn't it obvious?" Sora muttered to himself.

"You killed my underlings." Potato Man narrowed his eyes at Naruto. "And your not-so-important friends killed my dead bodies only minutes ago. Now my Limelight plan is ruined!"

Naruto shook his head and sighed. "You're such a typical villain; telling me your plan before doing it so that I can beat you up."

That seemed to irk Potato Man.

"I am not!" The white-haired guy yelled, absolutely fuming at Naruto's remark. "Because of that, I will now transport both you and Sora to a random field at the edge of the village in order to reveal my ultimate weapon!"

Naruto crossed his arms. "Is it ramen? Because that's what Lokichimaru used on me last time he tried to invade the Leaf Village. I kid you not, Potato Man, ramen will never work on me ever-"

Potato Man seemed to have gotten tired of Naruto's incessant blabbering, because the next thing he did was create a giant bolt of electricity in his hand. He laid back his head and laughed evilly. "Mwahahahaha!"

Naruto paused. "Wait a minute," he said. "You can use lightning element too? Wow, you and Kakashi must be brothers."

Potato Man didn't seem to have heard Naruto's stupid comment.

"With this power, I shall rule the world!" He said, continuing to cackle like a madman.

Sora frowned. "But Potato Man," he said. "Where do I come in?"

Potato Man stopped laughing. "Oh, right," He stopped his lightning technique, performed a few spells, and smacked Sora in the stomach. "There, kid. Have fun." And with that, Potato Man ran away.

"Hm," Naruto tapped his head, not sure of what had just happened. "That was strange and ominous-"

"RAAAWR!"

Naruto turned around, a kunai in hand, when he saw...

"No way," The boy superhero breathed. Standing in front of him, glowing orange with the Kyuubi's chakra, was Sora!


	22. The Definition of a Freak

"You stole my Kyuubi!" That was the first thing that Naruto said when he saw that Sora was glowing with an ominous orange chakra.

The yellow-haired superhero pouted and crossed his arms. "That power was mine first, you know."

A loud roar erupted from Sora's mouth, immediately making Naruto's eyes widen. A tail was already starting to form from the bubbly chakra around Sora's body. Naruto had about a million questions to ask. For instance, how did Sora get the Kyuubi's chakra when the nine-tailed beast was obviously inside of Naruto? And secondly, why did Sora hate Naruto so much that the angsty boy would try to kill him?

All of Naruto's questions were knocked out of his mind as Sora swiped at him with his Wolverine claws.

"Dang it!" Naruto shouted and jumped backwards. He pulled a kunai out from his pouch and held it in a defensive position. "Sora, you have to stop this! This isn't really you!"

"It's not?" Sora's second tail was already starting to form, and the boy was rapidly losing control of his deadly actions. "How do you know who I really am, ramen boy? You've known me for, like, a week!" He growled and swiped at Naruto. The superhero dodged. "And why should I trust you?" Sora continued. "You don't even call me Wolverine, like Asuma does!"

"That's because Wolverine isn't even your real name! I mean, yeah, it's a fitting full-fledged superhero name, because of your claws and all, but you don't have to live an angst-ridden life!" Naruto's kunai clashed with Sora's claws, and the two boys were flung back from each other. "I can feel your pain, Sora. I really can."

"Stop that!" Sora screamed. "Stop saying that you can feel my pain, and that you've been through what I have, when you truly haven't! Not everyone in the world has problems the exact same as you, Naruto. Not everyone in the world is a freak like you are!"

Naruto gasped. "Are you saying that I'm a freak because I'm possessed by a Bijuu?"

"No!" Sora spat. "I'm saying you're a freak because you love ramen, you're obsessed with a girl whose head looks like cotton candy, both of your teachers are perverts, and you're a stealth superhero who wears a bright orange outfit. Seriously, dude, how does that not make you a freak?"

Naruto paused. "Oh," he said. "I guess that does kind of make sense."

Sora growled. "It's about time you figured that out!"

The boys were not getting along at all. Other than this insane fight, what dastardly things was Dr. Doom/Potato Man planning to instigate?


End file.
